Hola chicas y chicos. Wow what a day, what a month actually. i was going to post a new post titled "The Joys of Being a Daddy" but things just got crazy. Crap screw it i will still post that one, just not right now. Let me stop being so darn A.D.D.!!!!! Alright so back to mental breakdown.... have any of you reading this ever have had a freaking breakdown mental or psychotic? (be honest remember i know some of you who read this) i think i came close today, hell i might even be on the darn edge right now. i am a recovering alcoholic, and there is the place that i should not go (not literal) too, it is called the edge, like an edge of a cliff. Its when i let my mind wonder(which really is not smart to do, cause one day the damn thing may not come back) usually about stupid stuff like the good old days(when i use to drink) not sure why i refer to that period of my life like that. Not so good, don't get me wrong not so bad either, i just was not doing much good, lots of fun though. So let me say it this way "the not so doing good, but kind of bad, but lots of fun days" Anywho sometimes i go to the edge, i just stand there trying to see if i can get close enough too look down, but i always make sure i never lose my balance.(give into temptation to drink) Then sometimes i have real bad days where i crave the edge wanting not only to look down the cliff but jump off the bastard and just enjoy the free fall. When those days come i pick up the phone and reach out, and if it is real bad hit a meeting.
i am on a new edge right now, i think i am just overwhelmed with school and trying to be a good house husband. i have been not sleeping well the last couple of nights. Its hard to keep house, be daddy, student, and husband. It is a crazy hard juggling act, and i feel like i am about to drop a ball.(wait that might just be the Del Taco i had for dinner tonight)
LISTEN PEOPLE i am not writing this as a cry for help please do not think that. If i needed help i would dial 911 trust me. No i am just writing this so you can get a little glimpse of who i am(the tears behind the clown) in my head. i like being transparent i just wished i could be more honest though. i am writing this in hopes it will help me get sleepy so i can go to bed, i am freakin tired. WOOO HOOO i just yawned. i think it is working. Thanks everybody. It is like you all just read me a bedtime story. Time for nighty nights.
Sincerely
EL
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